Thursday, January 26, 2012

Hello to anyone taking the time to read this, I thank you. It is going to a babbling post today because there are a lot of thoughts, memories and emotions that I am having today. I am quite surprised that this day has affected me the way it has but instead of not feeling the feelings I would embrace them, think of the GODD and the bad from the situation and then let it go.
One year ago today I entered St. Mary's hospital in Rochester MN for a hernia operation. I had the time off work and plans for my 6 weeks I would be unable to work, I was ready and kinda glad it was finally being taken care of. Well instead of a "routine" operation and recovery it was a day that has changed my life forever. I went into the surgery being morbidly obese and also unbeknownst to us all malnourished. I had horrible eating habits, no fruits or veggies at all, fast food all the time and also my body was not able to absorb what I was getting. I ended up being in the hospital for seven months. I was in ICU for four months and also was in a "coma" and lost my ability to walk, lift my head or arms or hardly even chew my food and swallow when I woke up. I truly almost died. With God's intervention, leading me on, I guess "we" decided to fight and survive. It was a long road. I went through a lot of things I never thought I would be able to make it through. I was so scared, there are so many times I felt like giving up but for some reason I didn't. I never considered myself a strong person or a fighter but for those months I feel God carried me through those months and He was the fighter and strong for me. there were a lot of things I missed while in the hospital starting with the Super Bowl. My beloved Packers won the Super Bowl and instead of being able to watch them and cheer them on I had a belly full of blood and a room full of interns and nurses trying to get me to stop bleeding. I had to miss the annual get together that I plan every year. I had to miss my only niece's graduation. It hurt a lot but I got through it. I worked hard and fought through infection after infection, extremely painful dressing changes, eating so much protein that I can't eat eggs to this day. I did therapy a couple times a day for months, thinking I would never be able to actually walk again, but I did. Yes my life totally changed starting a year ago today. I no longer have a job that I absolutely loved. I no longer have the ability to go back to work at a full time job or a physical job part time. Not all of the changes have been bleak. I am 90 pounds less today then I was a year ago and still going to Weight Watchers and losing. I work out three times a week at the hospital and still go for Physical therapy. I eat fruit and veggies and foods that are good for me, except eggs. My faith in God has grown tremendously although I still feel like a child in my faith. It is something I am working on everyday.
This is the scripture that I try to read everyday and really take to heart. I feel like I am lost, not really knowing which direction my life is going especially in regards to work and making a living. I have to read this and pray that He shows me the way he wants my life to go and that I am open to where He wants me and what He wants me to do. He let me live for a reason and now I have to find out what that reason is and follow it. My family is also closer together. I guess when you almost lose one member everyone pulls in the ranks and supports eachother and the chain just gets stronger. I couldn't be more thankful for the family I have and am so thankful for them being there everyday for me while I was in the hospital and now that I am out, especially my mom and dad. I know that those seven months were not easy on them either. Also my sister who was there at the hospital a couple times a week and also took care of making sure mom and dad did not over do it. Also the people that prayed for me and sent cards and kept in touch, they kept me going also and kept me feeling loved, I thank you all. My life also changed for the better because of the people I met during my stay at the hospital. I cannot express how grateful I am to the nurses that took care of me. They are truly a special group of people to do what they do with their lives, and never make the patient feel bad about it. I consider some of the nurses I met there my friends and one in particular will be a lifelong friend for sure. I thank God for these people that He brought into my life when I needed them most.
Well if you read all of this I thank you, it was long. I am still recovering in some ways and in a lot of ways I am so much better. I ask for your prayers that I continue to get my life back to where God wants me to be. Be blessed and thank God always for good health and never take it for granted.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Happy Tuesday. I had weight Watchers tonight and even after spending the weekend at my brother and SIL's I still lost 1.8 pounds. I am so proud of what I am doing, I am proud I am still doing it. It is a battle, day by day and sometimes minute by minute but so far so good. I really need to start writing in my piece by piece blog but for some reason I am a little apprehensive about that, who knows.

So I had a great weekend. I worked out on Friday and then I left right from there and went to the Twin Cities. I was going to stop at a Goodwill store on the way up there but I missed the turnoff and by the time I would be able to turn around I just decided to forget about it so when I got there I was early. I went into the garage, thankfully I know the keyless entry code and let myself into the house. I didn't see the Jeep or truck there so I figured no one was home but I heard noise when I walked in so I yelled "hello" and then I heard from Ivan, my 9 year old nephew "Cindi is that really you?" I laughed and said yes. Cluck cluck cluck, down the stairs he ran and gave me a great big hug, "I am so excited you are here." OK that made the trip well worth it and I could turn around and go home right then and be satisfied but I stayed. So anyway Ivan and I watched a movie that he was watching when I got there and it was so good I forgot the name, lol. Then Judy came home so I went and talked to her and then Jon and Ian came home. Judy and I made supper and then we all sat down to eat and visit and laugh. After that we watched the movie Courageous. It was an awesome movie. Then off  to bed. In the morning we got up and then Judy made a nice breakfast so we ate that. Then Judy, Ian and I went shopping and Ivan went to a friend's house. We shopped for a couple of hours and then when we were at a two o'clock lunch Ivan's friend's mom called that she was bringing him home because his friend threw up. Well we went and got him and he was pretty upset that his visit got cut short. Fast forward to seven hours later and we got home. I got some good craft supplies and also some things at Goodwill. It was a good trip. We had a late supper and then watched the movie Moneyball which was also good. Sunday morning we got up and we were eating breakfast and it was my dad saying that the weather was getting bad and going to get worse. There was freezing drizzle, turning to freezing rain and then snow on top of that. So I decided to take off for home. My nephew Ian, bless his heart came out and helped me scrape off the ice that was already on my car and then I took off. The roads were pretty good but the ice was still on the windows and stuff. I was glad to get home. Now I just have to get into the mood to use my craft supplies and craft!

Have a great day or night or whatever. Thank you for visiting.

Friday, January 20, 2012

It has been awhile since I posted here. It seems a little daunting when I see other people's blogs and they are such good writers  and can express their feelings so well and then there is me. But then I just have to tell myself that in all actuality this blog isn't for "others" it is for me. It is a place where I can pour out my thoughts, ideas and heart the way I do, simply and disjointed. LOL I also don't make money from my blog nor do I ever plan to so as I said, it is mine and it can just "be" how it is.

I am heading out to spend the weekend with my brother Jon, SIL Judy and nephews Ian and Ivan. I have to workout and then I am leaving right from there. I am going to stop at a Goodwill store on the way and see if I can find any treasures. I hope so. The hunt is always exciting.
The cowardly lion, from one of my favorite movies. Next to the Tinman he was my favorite. I could relate to him. A lot of my life I have been a cowardly lion. I have let fear dictate what I did and mostly what I did not do. I have slowly been gaining back my "bravery medal" but it is a struggle. I have to remember and remind myself that the courage is in me, I just have to let it out. I have to stop hiding behind my weight because that is going away. It is not an excuse to just sit on the sidelines and let life go by. I am NOT going to miss out on things anymore because I am a cowardly lion. I am going to try new things, and meet new people. One day at a time, one step at a time. Piece by piece I am putting together a new life.
Have a great weekend everyone, I know I will.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Just thought I would share with you what I did today. First I went to this really cool site called and I made a word heart. You can put in your own words so I put in my family names and words to describe our family, you can also make it any shape but I like the heart.

I then just taped it onto scrapbook paper with double stick tape and framed it in one of my dollar store frames. I have decided I am going to paint the frame black though.

Next I made a twine heart. I got some candy canes for half off and started twisting the twin around using hot glue along the way the canes until they were both done.

I then hot glued them together and put on a ribbon and tah dah a heart.

Well there are my crafts for today. Have a great one everyone!


"Regret can be an appalling waste of energy--you can't build on it. So acknowledge your sin, accept God's forgiveness, & get on with living for His honor & glory."

" There's an all-seeing Eye watching you--but He's loving, gentle, tender, forgiving and waiting with open arms."

 " Every day of the past is beyond our reach & we should leave it there."

Well as you can tell I am having a little struggle with God's forgiveness. I have sinned and I know that and I feel so bad about it. I want to believe that I am forgiven and that it is ok but I am having a hard time with that. I know if someone found out what I did they would be hurt and that hurts me. I am so weak Lord. I am so sorry Lord. I want to be a better person but it is so hard. 

I think that I need to forgive myself, I need to let it go, I need to move on. I know all of this and I am praying for the strength to do this. I feel so guilty and sad so I just bury it but it comes out and into my head more than I want it to. I am babbling but it is just something that has been on and in my heart and mind. 

Lord please forgive me of my sin, I am humbled before you and filled with regret. Please help me let go of my sin, forgive myself and help me to sin no more. In love, Amen.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Made Snow

Happy Friday! It is the end of another week and I have nothing to do this weekend, I am happy that I can get caught up on some things at home, like cleaning not fun stuff! It was another nice day here today, warm, in the mid 40's and sunny. Everything is so brown and dirty looking I decided to make my own snow fun. I have a little pre-lit Christmas tree so I decide to turn it into a winter tree. It has white lights on it and I just like how when I watch TV I just have the tree on, However, it was pretty naked so I figured I would dress it up a little. The first thing I did was punch out a lot of snowflakes...they were pretty.
Even the scraps were pretty and they got all over, even on my keyboard

I glued them together with string in between and they will be a garland on my tree. OK I needed more so I was going through my stuff and found these tags used for scrapbooking.
I got inspired and decided to make snowmen out of them, they too will go on my tree. When I get it all finished I will take a picture of it. Hopefully it will look as good as I think it will. If not I won't post a picture and just enjoy it by myself. LOL

I am off to bed but I wanted to wish everyone a fantastic day and also have a very blessed weekend!

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning." ~ Albert Einstein

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Good evening everyone! I am hoping to get this posted while it is still Thursday but you never know. It is Thursday right now so if the date says Friday and I have the Thursday graphic up it is because I got distracted (Me? Distracted? Never!)

It was a beautiful day in Minnesota today. The sun was shining brightly and believe it or not the high was 48 degrees. It is hard to believe it was so warm. I went to Walmart and out to lunch with my parents and it was so nice and great spending time with them too.

Tomorrow I have Physical Therapy, then I go to work out and then I have to run some errands. I have a goal of organizing my life as much as I can this year and I have started with my computer. I am trying to get rid of all of the music, pictures and files I will never use or that I have stored somewhere else. i really need to get an external memory thingy  (I am such a techie) to put all of my photographs on because they are all on here and nowhere else.I will hopefully be able to do that when I get some extra money (I have to wait that long?)  I have my file box organized and have given a lot of boxes to Goodwill from my closet so now I am working on my computer and craft things, should take quite awhile!

Beautiful days like today make me so thankful to be alive and just to remind me how great HE is I was given this view tonight. Thank you Lord! Be blessed and talk soon!

Monday, January 2, 2012

What's the day?

I did it again. All day I have though it was Sunday, and also that it was New year's Day. I guess I am just so happy to be out of 2011 I am celebrating an extra day. Also the Rose Parade was on today and not yesterday and football on all day and well you get the picture. then I come here to post and put my day graphic up and yes you guessed it I first put up the Sunday one, OY!!

I finally got my tree all put away. I had it still up with the lights on but today I took the lights off and put the tree back into the box. I tell you what that is a job and a half! It is an artificial tree so why is it that it seems to grow? I shoved and tucked and squished it into the box and the box is still bulging so I channel my dad and wrap duct tape around it and it comes back into my computer/craft room. I am sitting here on the computer and I keep hearing sounds coming from the box, I think the tape is letting loose, there has to be a better way to store it!

Anyway that is pretty much my day today. Be blessed!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Welcome 2012

Another year has come and I have to say I am not at all sad to see 2011 go. There are some good things that happened though and that is what I want to remember now!

1.)Jon and Judy's wedding, ok technically it was the last hours of 2010 but who cares! It was such a special event. the whole family was there(although I almost missed it) and it was so touching. I never though my little brother would EVER actually get married but he did and I am so happy that our family increased by three. Love you all!

2.) Our family has grown even closer this year, especially my sister and I.

3.) I have really great friends that supported me, prayed for me and sent me lots of cards.

4.) I am 90 pounds lighter than I was last year at this time and have a commitment to keep getting healthier.

5.) I have rediscovered my love of crafting.

I am sure there are many more things but for now I will leave it at that and wish you all a happy, healthy and blessed 2012!